It's been quite some time since I've really let myself sit and dream of what "could" be. What I "could" be doing with my life...
When I was a younger version, I thought the best thing in life would be to write and illustrate children's books. To be able to do something fun, that I could make a living at...not bagging or working in a grocery store my whole life (true story, I went to college 3 years out of high school because I didn't want to work the "dead end" jobs the rest of my life. Hmmmm...don't ask how that's working for me).
So, I started college and picked those majors; writing and art. I was still young and thought I had my life all planned out and was going to be the next Dr. Suess, the next Madeliene L'Engle...oh, I was going to be famous! I was going to travel, do book shows, signings, have lunch or tea with other famous authors!
Ummm...not so!
I ended up stressing out too much about what other people said about my art and my writing. Felt I wasn't good enough. Felt that there would be no way that I could make it in the literary world (even at the kid's table per se)....so I changed my major my sophomore year and took up with a Christian Education major.
Why? #1 the curriculum list looked easy. #2 the curriculum looked interesting and #3 I could still graduate with in my 4 year college plan. Yep, truth.
Long story short...graduated, got a job in VA, worked 2 years and decided it wasn't for me. I went home and took a job (hahaha you guessed it, at a grocery store). Between then and now I have worked as a house parent at a children's home, a nanny (for 2 wonderful families and 2 not so wonderful), and then after marriage and one child as a "family teacher" with MR clients and as a home health aide. Now, at 40eh hem years of age I'm looking back and thinking what if? What if? Would I be happier? Would I feel more fulfilled with who I am outside of being a wife and mother (you mom's who read this probably know how easy it is to lose "yourself" while you are mothering young children).
I don't feel like I live my life believing the grass is always greener on the other side. Altho' my mom would probably beg to differ with me. I think I'm just a natural born adventurer who has let her wings be clipped by others instead of believing that I could fly to any destination I dreamed of....
So, I'm working on taking back a flight pattern...pretty much any flight pattern that is of my making. Wether it is setting aside time to write, draw, read, color, paint, or dream. I am looking forward to making some new flight patterns...possibly sewing, knitting, crocheting, canning (I actually did that for the first time this weekend, more on that later)....working out a 5 year plan on our little 1/4 acre or moving on to a better job, bigger city...who knows?! Me and my God, we are working it all out!
How about you folks? Have you met with a mid-life crisis? Have you second guessed the paths your life has taken? or are you content with the choices you've made? Have you made BIG changes later in life, & lived to tell about it (& been happy with them)? I would never trade my family for another. I would never trade my friends for anyone else. Most everything else in life...now that's negotiable!
When I was a younger version, I thought the best thing in life would be to write and illustrate children's books. To be able to do something fun, that I could make a living at...not bagging or working in a grocery store my whole life (true story, I went to college 3 years out of high school because I didn't want to work the "dead end" jobs the rest of my life. Hmmmm...don't ask how that's working for me).
So, I started college and picked those majors; writing and art. I was still young and thought I had my life all planned out and was going to be the next Dr. Suess, the next Madeliene L'Engle...oh, I was going to be famous! I was going to travel, do book shows, signings, have lunch or tea with other famous authors!
Ummm...not so!
I ended up stressing out too much about what other people said about my art and my writing. Felt I wasn't good enough. Felt that there would be no way that I could make it in the literary world (even at the kid's table per se)....so I changed my major my sophomore year and took up with a Christian Education major.
Why? #1 the curriculum list looked easy. #2 the curriculum looked interesting and #3 I could still graduate with in my 4 year college plan. Yep, truth.
Long story short...graduated, got a job in VA, worked 2 years and decided it wasn't for me. I went home and took a job (hahaha you guessed it, at a grocery store). Between then and now I have worked as a house parent at a children's home, a nanny (for 2 wonderful families and 2 not so wonderful), and then after marriage and one child as a "family teacher" with MR clients and as a home health aide. Now, at 40eh hem years of age I'm looking back and thinking what if? What if? Would I be happier? Would I feel more fulfilled with who I am outside of being a wife and mother (you mom's who read this probably know how easy it is to lose "yourself" while you are mothering young children).
I don't feel like I live my life believing the grass is always greener on the other side. Altho' my mom would probably beg to differ with me. I think I'm just a natural born adventurer who has let her wings be clipped by others instead of believing that I could fly to any destination I dreamed of....
So, I'm working on taking back a flight pattern...pretty much any flight pattern that is of my making. Wether it is setting aside time to write, draw, read, color, paint, or dream. I am looking forward to making some new flight patterns...possibly sewing, knitting, crocheting, canning (I actually did that for the first time this weekend, more on that later)....working out a 5 year plan on our little 1/4 acre or moving on to a better job, bigger city...who knows?! Me and my God, we are working it all out!
How about you folks? Have you met with a mid-life crisis? Have you second guessed the paths your life has taken? or are you content with the choices you've made? Have you made BIG changes later in life, & lived to tell about it (& been happy with them)? I would never trade my family for another. I would never trade my friends for anyone else. Most everything else in life...now that's negotiable!
Ahhh, I can very much relate to this post. I have always had this grand ideas in my head of how I will make my money, maybe not millions, but definitely enough to live a life of leisure (and most importantly, only work when I want). All those dreams started changing since I had my baby. I still dream about doing things (if I ever have time again!!), but rather that to do them for pay I think about doing them for my enjoyment. Isn't it funny how a child can do that to you?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I am looking forward to hearing more on your canning adventures, I enjoyed your IG pictures!
Miss Cedar...I really appreciate the comment, the thoughts and the fact that most moms feel the same. I wouldn't trade being a mom (on most days at least) for anything! I really enjoy your paintings, especially the watercolor avocado on your blog the other day! We are talented for a reason...we just need to find the time and the niche to make it all come to fruition!
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