Thursday, July 16, 2009

Another foot in the mouth episode...

Mine. I guess the little things that go on throughout the week do finally come to a head, and I lose mine. G.P. has been much more verbal this week and most of her verbiage has been directed at the girls. If I were totally honest about it she's been quite bossy to them and telling them what not to do and do. It's a little irritant, but I try not to get too involved with it, sometimes they really do need to be told. Sometimes it's just too much and I just tell her not to worry about them too much, I'll take care of them.
Well, it came time to get Liyah to bed last night and she had gone without a nap. Liyah is not like Lauryn when it comes to bedtime, she is the up and out kid. She needs this, that and something else... anyway last night it was getting out of hand because she was so tired. She was screaming and crying and kept getting up. I'd tucked her in for the 2nd time and she was up again. Greg grabbed the wooden spoon (he doesn't use it much, it's just a reinforcement) and went in and got her to bed again. What happened that made me open my mouth was as he was going past G.P. she said, "No. No, don't do that." I was in the kitchen and heard her and Greg was down the hall and didn't hear her. Hence I found it hard to ignore and I said, "Don't worry about it. You raised your boys, now let us raise our girls. It's okay."
So now G.P. is mad at me and pouting today. Greg was mad at me for saying that to his mother, even after I gave him the context of the situation. I'm in the doghouse and no one cares that I'm stressed with events that have nothing to do with raising children and caring for a husband and mother-in-law. ON TOP OF THAT STRESS!!!!
It's the worst thing about this whole living situation. Having your mother-in-law with you 24/7 seeing how you are raising and disciplining your children. Sighing or making little comments when she disapproves of something you've done, and not being able to get away from that. It's not her fault any more than it is mine, but it sure isn't comfortable for either of us.
I know that she misses her family, and I can empathize with that feeling. I have been away from my whole family too. I know she doesn't like to be housebound on days when we have no car to get out and do things she really enjoys. I feel for her, having dementia and knowing that you can't do or say the things that you want to, it's got to be extremely frustrating. LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT G.P. THOUGH AND I CAN'T LIVE MY LIFE AS IF IT WERE!!
Everyone says, I'm such a wonderful, giving, patient and loving person. They don't know everything that goes on in my head and heart. I can't live up to others standards and I can't please everyone all the time. I will say things and do things that irritate and hurt people. It's not because I WANT to, it's just me. Me going insane, slowly and steadily. Running on empty sometimes. Sometimes just not knowing how to respond to someone that is showing their disagreement with what you are doing as a parent...... well, it's a new day today. G.P. will eventually forget that she is mad at me and life will probably get back to "normal"... I hope I do!

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