My Mind...

has so many things running through it, I'm finding it very hard to go to sleep at night. So I lay there and think and dream and then eventually get up and write everything down so that I can go to sleep.

I have very, VERY creative thoughts going through my noggin. The question I always have is can I make these thoughts realities?! Can I take a thought process, and make it come to fruition?

I have been, what I consider to be, a creative person my whole life. When the siblings were doing well with their schooling, I was not. More times than not I was home "sick". When I stayed home, I would often find myself sitting on the couch writing stories for my youngest sister, or drawing and coloring pictures on the back of old work forms my dad would bring home for scrap paper.

I went into college with the dreams of being a children's book author and illustrator. That lasted a year and a half before I changed to Christian Education. Thinking that I could make a better living teaching children.... ah well, it was a thought.

I've never given up dreaming about the creative things I'd like to do. There is one thing that holds me back.... my laid back, content, common sensed mother! Now I'm not one of those grown ups who blame their parents for all of the horrible things in their lives (well, yes, maybe I am). I don't want to be, but this is what I hear when I start the process of making my dreams reality... "Are you sure you want to do that?", "Are you going to be able to do that?", "How much is this going to cost you, do have the money to be doing this?", "What are you going to do with all this 'stuff' if (when) this doesn't work out?".

So, I have throughout my life tried things and not finished them. I have started projects and not completed them. I have had BIG dreams and not brought them to reality. WHY?

I don't blame my mom, I think that I'm not smart/talented/persevering/qualified/disciplined enough. I start something and then when I can't figure out the little details, I quit. I convince myself that it wasn't meant to be. That I shouldn't have tried to do that... I'm not equipped enough.

Yet I have all these thoughts running through my head, and I HAVE to try them. I HAVE to or my brain will explode!! So, I plug away, I research and do what I can to make the dreams inside my mind come to life.

If [no, when] I succeed with these dreams I will share with you, my blog reading friends the creative things that I have done. These things I will do! I have to, you are counting on me, right! Right?! (Just say "yes" and nod your head).